At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
