Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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