I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
