I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
