Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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