alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize