I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I still have a little drunk in my system
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
