New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
