Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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