There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
pray to the hookup gods
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
