Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
