Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
