i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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