Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize