How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
