K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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