i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
