Whod you bang
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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