Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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