Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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