So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize