I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
