i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
