vagina is talking i cant
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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