she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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