The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
