Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just high enough for therapy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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