In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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