ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
