The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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