Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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