just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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