If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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