Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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