pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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