dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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