where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
