Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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