You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
