i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize