I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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