He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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