My hair reeks of homosexuality.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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