i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
