i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
