Ambien. No doubt about it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize