Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
