conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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