Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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