i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
