I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
