apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize