and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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