and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
