My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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