phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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