two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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