My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
