I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
