Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
