Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
