Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Terrible idea I love it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize