john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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