remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
