Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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