You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
