I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
