if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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