you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
