I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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