Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
