He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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