Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
